Chuck Norris Turns 70 — A Chuckism for Every Ass-Kicking Year

I know I’m a few days late to the birthday party but this “Chuckisms” list literally made my day. If you don’t read this he will find you…

A few of my favorites from the list:

7. Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are known today as giraffes.
10. Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
12. Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
30. Google won’t search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don’t find Chuck Norris, he finds you.
41. Chuck Norris CAN believe it’s not butter.
47. A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
54. When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.
58. Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
68. In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris.